20 things that prove you’re obsessed with LOTR

Ages ago a friend and I made a list of more than 250 things that prove you’re obsessed with The Lord of the Rings: well, here are 20 of mine. Most of them are taken from my personal experience. (Hmm, what about all of them?)

1. Any word that looks like it’s from LOTR catches your eye even if it’s half a page down from where you’re reading.
2. You memorised all thirteen verses of the Lay of Nimrodel.
3. You’re writing your own history of Middle-earth.

   

4. While eating cake you stab it with your fork and, when given odd looks, say defensively, “It’s an Orc!”
5. No matter what you’re talking/writing about, you manage to work in at least one reference to LOTR.
6. You subconsciously add “precious” after each sentence.
7. Whilst watching the movie, you recite the lines along with each character, flawlessly imitating their accents and the ways they emphasise words.
8. You were looking at old pictures of yourself and your eye immediately found the spine of The Hobbit on the bookshelf behind the sweet child that was you.
9. You checked one of the Eragon books out of the library just for the fun of going over the map in the front and making a list of everything that plagiarized LOTR.
10. While sitting beside a stranger on a bus or train, you wonder how much of a chance there is you can find out if he’s ever read LOTR.
11. You call the postal workers servants of Morgoth because they always delay your and your penpal’s letters to each other.
12. You have personal nicknames for half the actors in LOTR.
13. You’ve written your own musical settings to LOTR poems.
    
    (My duet version of “O! What Are You Seeking?” from The Hobbit; sung with my sister [who will remain nameless] for the aforementioned fanfilm.)
14. When someone tries to get you to read a book, they tell you sneakily that “It mentions Lord of the Rings.”
15. Half the poems you’ve ever written are on LOTR topics.
16. You’ve hand-embroidered and tie-dyed your own LOTR t-shirts because official ones are so freaking expensive.
17. In anticipation of supper you go around on all fours and mutter “Is it taaaaasty…. Is it scruuuuuuuumptious!”
18. You write for and edit your own Tolkien magazine.
19. You convinced your teacher to read LOTR and TH.
20. When you went to a potluck on March 25, you made a cake with “Sauron Defeated” written in icing to bring along (and show off). The same happened with the potluck on January 3 which said “Happy birthday J.R.R. Tolkien”.